Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
MIDGETS
????
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
