tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Vodka?
Forever.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
