I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
