dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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