i will never coherently bang her
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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