My balls are so social today.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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