The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
