i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
third nipple confirmed
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
