bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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