I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
