The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
