i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
