she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
