Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
