Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
