no, he came in my armpit
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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