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is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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