The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
