your room smells of hookers.
And success
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
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