Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
