FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
