Have you finally orgasmed yet?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
