I CAN MOONWALK!
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
