But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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