I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
