so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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