No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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