I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I cut my penus on the lid.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
