This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
