I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
