I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
