some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
