I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It's never too late to be topless.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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