why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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