"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
