I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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