My liver just broke up with me...
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
