I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Sext me about skeletons
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
