I wanna bring you to show and tell
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
