i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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