grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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