i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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