The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
