Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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