I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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