omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
