I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
