somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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