he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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