3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
